Felix

[shannonteverius]

After Shannon's brief conversation with Alcuin...

On the way to the Mirador Shannon had had plenty of time to work himself up from a simmering anger to a full on hurricane. The tension around him hummed, like lightning on water, except this storm wasn't safely on the horizon. It was quickly approaching Felix's front door. No one who passed Shannon thought to utter a word as he walked to his lover's apartment. Yet, when he stood in front of the door and knocked, his expression smoothed and when the door opened his smile was almost seductive.

"Felix," he purred, placing a hand on the man's chest and pushing forward. "May I come in?"

Comments

[shannonteverius]

Shannon sighed. "Not to me, Felix. With me," he said. Despite the thunderstorm of rage that had carried him here, Shannon didn't want to fight. He suddenly felt tired. He knew he had started this, slipped the first blade beneath the skin, and he was leaving himself open for a return assault, yet he couldn't find the energy to care. "I am concerned because I thought we were doing this to make our relationship work. I thought we were trying to be honest with each other and that we were in this together. As you say, a relationship must have two people in it. Do you even want to be with me or am I in this alone?"

[harrowgate]

If Shannon kept startling him with direct questions, Felix might find it more difficult to avoid them. So far, he had managed to remain guarded, coiled and waiting for any attack from which he might need to defend himself. Only Shannon didn't seem to be attacking, and this left Felix a bit unsure of how to respond.

"If I didn't want to be with you, I would stop asking you to see me," he pointed out, chin lifted, eyes wary but watchful. "How have I not been honest with you? I think I've told you quite plainly how I intend to conduct myself. I presumed you didn't want all of the details."

[shannonteverius]

"I don't," Shannon admitted, "but why are you hiding the fact that we are still seeing each other from those you are intimate with?"

[harrowgate]

Blasted direct questions. "Because it isn't any of their business," Felix snapped, and despite his annoyance, he was barking out the truth. "No one is under the impression that I'm going to fall in love."

[shannonteverius]

Shannon agreed the details of their relationship was no one's business. The vulnerability he shared with Felix was for Felix alone, but the fact that they were dating didn't need to be hidden. He disagreed with Felix on that. He wasn't going to hide it from anyone. He wanted the world to know, just like he always had.

"No one?" he asked, raising a golden eyebrow. His eyes scanned over Felix's position. He remembered sitting on Felix's lap once. It put them on a very nice level for kissing. He was tempted to do that again and shifted a little closer to Felix's knees. "You can't think of anyone who'd imagine you'd fall in love with them?"

[harrowgate]

Felix had opened his mouth to toss back a tart response, but an instant before he drew breath, his brain shut off his voice on a strange and unexpected signal from an organ buried somewhere in his chest. Something inside him recognized what Shannon was saying, recognized it on a deeper level than the devilish arguments of intellect or the visceral drives of shared passion. That same something yearned for the implication behind Shannon's words in a way both troubling and somewhat embarrassing to Felix's higher mind.

He both longed to be loved, and hated the idea of deserving it at the same time.

"Only one person," answered Felix slowly, like a test, touching a toe into these uncertain waters.

[shannonteverius]

Shannon saw the change in Felix when the attack turned into a reply. His heart began to race at the sound of those three words. The moment suddenly felt fragile and precious. Shannon yearned to be closer to Felix, to touch him, but he was afraid to move and break the spell. When he spoke, it was also done slowly, afraid of taking a wrong step with his words.

"Might this one person be allowed to imagine the possibility?"

[harrowgate]

"I've never been able to control his imagination," Felix answered, quietly and without malice. He did not look away from Shannon, even though he wanted to, even though he felt stripped and naked under Shannon's eyes.

[shannonteverius]

The yearning was like a physical ache. Shannon held a swirling mix of hope and fear at bay enough to ask, "Would you want to?"

[harrowgate]

Felix wanted Shannon in his arms so terribly that he had to curl his hands around the back of the sofa to provide a real sensation to combat the phantom emptiness. "I wouldn't dream of it," he whispered. "No more than I want him controlling me."

[shannonteverius]

Relief swamped Shannon but he heard the warning as well. He nodded in acknowledgment. "It is no one's business but our own what we do," he said, "but I am not going to keep our dating a secret. I would prefer it if you did the same." He swallowed. "And I don't want to know what you do with others," he added before giving in, finally, and sliding onto Felix's lap. He straddled Felix's thighs and settled his weight on Felix's knees. The indulgence was like a balm to his nerves. He took Felix's face in his hands and breathed his next words against Felix's lips. "As long as this is only ours," he said, and kissed him.

He hadn't meant the kiss. It was the moment, the imagining they had spoken about, the emotions that were never voiced but surely did exist that he had been referring to. He trusted his lover to know that, but poured his meaning into the deepening kiss anyway just to make himself perfectly clear.

[harrowgate]

From the moment Shannon slid onto his lap and into his arms, Felix barely heard what he said, let alone took the time to understand it. His lips chased Shannon's, his arms wrapped around the other man's body, starving for his warmth, and he kissed Shannon like his breath was the only thing keeping Felix alive.

[shannonteverius]

Shannon's fingers sank into the luxurious silk of Felix's hair and he moaned into Felix's mouth. He refused to let their lips part for even a second until oxygen became a necessity. Even then he stayed close, pressing his cheek to Felix's.

"Take me to bed, Felix," he whispered.

[harrowgate]

"In a moment," Felix promised, barely a breath in Shannon's ear. He did not want to move from this place, this precious now, when he felt so certain that Shannon knew how he felt without his needing to speak. His embrace tightened, as if Shannon might escape him if he didn't hold the man close.

[shannonteverius]

Felix's desire to stay where they were surprised Shannon but there was nothing that could make him refuse when Felix held him so tightly. He returned the embrace and settled his chin on Felix's shoulder. "Perhaps more than a moment," he said.

[harrowgate]

"Shannon..." Felix knew he couldn't say the words, arrested in his throat by a lifetime of proof that his love was unworthy, unwanted, and insufficient. It was like a curse, feeling this way about anyone: twisted, mutilated, and turned to ash. If Felix didn't speak it aloud, perhaps it couldn't curse Shannon.

He rested his forehead on Shannon's shoulder, hating that something other people found so simple became so ugly and misshapen inside him.

[shannonteverius]

Shannon ran gentle fingers through Felix's hair. He didn't feel the need to say anything. Their embrace spoke volumes into the peaceful silence of the room. Words could only fall short in comparison, yet the desire to speak bubbled up inside him and refused to be quelled.

Fingers still stroking slowly, he closed his eyes and whispered, "I love you, too."

[harrowgate]

He felt as though his entire body had seized him for a moment, a thrill of longing nearly crushed by the weight of his fear. Felix wanted to tell Shannon it was dangerous, stupid even, but he wasn't strong enough to reject this offering that he desired beyond all reason. "Bed," he breathed, hauling Shannon up into his arms in an unusual burst of strength as he made their way to the bedroom.

[shannonteverius]

"Oh!" Shannon exclaimed, clinging tighter to Felix in his surprise. "Well this is a gesture I never would have imagined." Granted, he hadn't imagined most of the things Felix had introduced him to lately.

[harrowgate]

"Hush," Felix instructed, choked and sharp. He flung them both into the bedroom, and his mouth was on Shannon's before he even reached the bed, silencing him effectively. One hand cupped behind Shannon's neck, even in his rush of passion, to protect his head as they fell to the bed together. Felix pressed Shannon back into the sheets, kissing him breathless.

[shannonteverius]

Felix had been so gentle with Shannon lately. This sudden assertiveness in his actions was thrilling and Shannon returned the kisses with fervor.

He slid his hands over Felix's back, pulling his lover closer even though there was not a breath of space between them. His fingers pressed into the fabric of Felix's dressing gown, but the touch was unsatisfying. He tugged on the gown, hoping to pull it from Felix's shoulders.

[harrowgate]

At Shannon's slightest encouragement, Felix rolled his shoulders out of the silk sleeves, and divested himself of both dressing gown and, with frustrated fingers, the draw string trousers he'd had been wearing as well. Through all of this he never allowed Shannon's mouth more than a breath from his own.

Tossing off as much of his clothing as he could manage, Felix slid one leg over Shannon's, readying to straddle him. "Take me," he demanded, short and hot and gasping.

[shannonteverius]

Shannon blinked in surprise. "Like this?" he asked, even as he hurriedly worked to divest himself of clothing.

[harrowgate]

Felix lifted his brows, giving Shannon a look of such elegantly-crafted expectation that a lesser man would have leapt to do anything he bid. He only paused for half a moment like that, before reaching to the side of the bed, tugging open a drawer in the bedside table, and snatching a bottle of lubrication that he pressed into Shannon's hand.

"Like this," he demanded, straddling his bare thighs over Shannon's hips. His cock swelled rapidly to firmness. "Quickly."

[shannonteverius]

Powers, Felix was beautiful. Shannon's desire, coupled with Felix's demands, made an irresistible force. He left his clothing as it was and shifted only enough fabric to release his aching member. He slicked it quickly and added extra to his fingers to anoint Felix's entrance. What stretching he did for Felix was done hurriedly but as thoroughly as he could. He knew neither of them could wait, but he would not hurt his lover unnecessarily.

Unable to wait any longer, he took hold of Felix's hip and guided him into position. He pulled down on Felix's hip but let his lover set the pace for that initial entrance.