Alcuin

[shannonteverius]

Shannon had heard about Hannibal. He hadn't cared too much for the man, their first encounter had rubbed him the wrong way, but he hadn't wished him harm. Hannibal has also been dating Alcuin, and that was the part that mattered.

Shannon was sure his friend had to be hurting. If it had been him, a simple phone call would not have been enough. Instead, he purchased a very good bottle of wine and made his way to Alcuin's.

When his friend opened the door he held up his purchase and said, "I come bearing gifts."

Comments

[alcuin]

Alcuin opened the door, and looked surprised upon seeing who was there. "Shannon!"

He also looked... a mess. His hair was rumpled, and he was wearing silk pajamas and a robe. It also seemed as if he'd already started drinking.

Blinking, he said as if an afterthought, "Oh. Come in - it's cold out."

[shannonteverius]

Shannon had never seen Alcuin like this. He gaped in surprise when the door first opened.

"Thank you," he said, stepping inside. "I heard about Hannibal," he added softly. "I'm sorry."

[alcuin]

Alcuin saw Shannon's expression and realized how he must seem. As he closed the door behind him he made an attempt to smooth his hair with his fingers. "Thank you," he said, because he didn't know what else to say. "I'm. Um." He looked at the ground. "It was kind of you to come check on me."

[shannonteverius]

"I didn't want you to be alone," Shannon said.

[alcuin]

It was so kind, and such a stark reminder that this time Alcuin wasn't alone. That there were people who cared about him. Alcuin bit his lip, and then threw his arms around Shannon in an embrace.

[shannonteverius]

No, Alcuin was not alone. Though Shannon was surprised by the sudden hug, he pulled Alcuin close and held him tight.

[alcuin]

Alcuin let Shannon hold him for a minute, and then finally pulled away. "Thank you," he said quietly, and then, "Come in. I... already have a bottle of wine open, why don't I pour you a glass."

[shannonteverius]

"Thank you." From the disheveled state of his friend, Shannon had wondered if he was using a glass. "I should have brought you food," he mused.

[alcuin]

"Oh. Um. No, it's fine. I can always order something." Though he felt he'd seen something in the way Shannon looked at him. "I... I must look a complete mess."

[shannonteverius]

Shannon shook his head. "You're allowed to be a little out of sorts," he said. "If you weren't I would be worried."

[alcuin]

Alcuin led Shannon into the kitchen, and got a fresh glass, filled it with wine, and refilled his own glass. (Because yes, he was using a glass; he wasn't raised by wolves.)

"I'm glad you're here," he said, when he handed it to him.

[shannonteverius]

"So am I," Shannon said as he accepted the cup. He tried to think of something else to say, but everything that came to mind felt inadequate. He took a sip of his wine to stall for time.

[alcuin]

"I might already be a little drunk," Alcuin admitted. "I'm trying not to think. I don't know if that's healthy. Probably not. I don't think I care." He took a more generous drink of his own wine.

[shannonteverius]

"You don't have to think about it if you don't want to," Shannon said. "I don't think there are any rules to dealing with a situation like this."

The closest person Shannon had lost had been his mother. Theirs had been a complicated relationship. His grief had been just as complicated.

[alcuin]

"No," said Alcuin quietly. "It isn't as if I learned them last time."

[shannonteverius]

Shannon tilted his head. "Last time?"

[alcuin]

Alcuin looked confused for a moment.

Then - "The man I was accused of murdering." His eyes drifted up to the ceiling briefly, as if he couldn't look at Shannon as he spoke. "He was the great love of my life."

[shannonteverius]

Again Shannon found himself at a loss for words.  It was a rare occurrence for him.  "I'm so sorry Alcuin."

[alcuin]

Alcuin swallowed hard, like he was keeping himself from crying. "So everyone in the city already knows I was a whore, thinks I might be a murderer too, and now this and it's going to start all over again. They won't even let me grieve." He pushed a hand through his hair and took a shaky breath.

[shannonteverius]

There were no magic words in times like these. Shannon knew that well. Though he longed to sooth his friend's pain, words of sympathy felt like they would sound pitying more than comforting. Instead, he gave a piece of his own truth to Alcuin. "Did you know that my mother was arrested for treason?" he asked.

[alcuin]

"I didn't," said Alcuin softly, sympathy in his voice. "Wrongfully?" He was grateful for the bit of distraction of someone else's story, actually.

[shannonteverius]

"No, actually. She had high aspirations for both her and myself." He flashed a wry smile. "Even after she was arrested, people were suspicious of me for a long time."

[alcuin]

"I guess all of us... you, me, Felix... we all have our problems with public scrutiny." Alcuin offered him a sad little smile. "Here, come sit down with me." He went over to the couch with his wine.

[shannonteverius]

"I'd say we could start a club, but I'd rather not," Shannon said, following Alcuin and sitting beside him. He turned enough so he could look at his friend, while still being comfortable.

[alcuin]

Alcuin set his wine down on the table, and then... hoping he wouldn't mind, Alcuin shifted closer to Shannon and laid his head down on his shoulder. "Sometimes I feel like I'm being punished," he said softly.

[shannonteverius]

Felix wasn't the cuddling type. He didn't do things like this. Shannon was surprised to find that he liked it.

"Punished for what?" he asked.

[alcuin]

"I don't know exactly," Alcuin said quietly. "I mean, I've done bad things. I know I shouldn't think like that. But it seems like I've had more than my fair share of suffering."

[shannonteverius]

"Then don't you think you've been punished enough?" Shannon asked.

[alcuin]

"I hope so," Alcuin said with a small, sad smile. "I'll get through."

[shannonteverius]

"You will," Shannon agreed. "And you're not alone."

[alcuin]

"That's the difference this time," Alcuin said, and moved a little closer even to Shannon.

[shannonteverius]

Shannon leaned his head against Alcuin's. "Will you tell me about him?" he asked.

[alcuin]

"Hannibal?" Alcuin questioned. "Or Anafiel?"

[shannonteverius]

"Anafiel. The 'great love of your life'."

[alcuin]

Alcuin settled against Shannon again. "He was wonderful," he said. "He taught me everything. And he was a poet. A wonderful poet. He really had a way with words. And handsome, of course. There's a portrait of him in the office upstairs. He had red hair, like Felix."

[shannonteverius]

Shannon sighed. "Sounds like we both have a soft spot for red heads. Was him impossible and stubborn as well, or was yours sweet?"

[alcuin]

"I... think that Anafiel and Felix had little in common beyond hair color and intellect," Alcuin said softly.

[shannonteverius]

A part of Shannon was relieved to hear that. "How did you meet?"

[alcuin]

Ah. Yes, this was the part of the story that was never easily explained.

After a pause, Alcuin said, "He was a friend of my father, who I never met. But Anafiel took me in after my mother died. I know that sounds a bit odd, but... he was never a father figure to me."

[shannonteverius]

Shannon did find it a bit strange. He could understand being attracted to an older man, but there was a point where the gap became uncomfortably large. Alcuin had to have been young then. A little wary of the answer he asked, "Did he feel the same?"

[alcuin]

"Eventually," said Alcuin after a pause. "He had the same reservations I see in your reaction. It took him a while to believe that it was real. To trust me, and himself. We were together... a very short time, before his death."

[shannonteverius]

"I'm sorry to hear that," Shannon said. And he was. He couldn't imagine anything worse than losing the one you loved.

[alcuin]

Alcuin found it easier to talk about Anafiel than to think about Hannibal right now, so he was grateful for this. "Thank you, Shannon... you've been very kind."